dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
