At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
