The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
