Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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