Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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