I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
