im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
