I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He better not be in your backpack
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
