Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
