That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
