covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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