And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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