I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
