its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
