I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
