i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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