I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
