just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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