think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
