Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
