Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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