I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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