so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
