Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she told me i tasted like america
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
