So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
