I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
