Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize