Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
