she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
