I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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