had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
