yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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