I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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