I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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