you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
