everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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