he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
