Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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