Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
