I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
