Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize