4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
