I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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