When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize