btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
as a side note pls kill me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
