and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
