SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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