the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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