You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
