True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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