Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
