I got chris browned last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
