If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
