some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
