boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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