his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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