you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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