Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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