I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize