She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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