guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
