I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
