The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
