just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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