dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
