we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
