remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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