Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize